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Saturday started wonderfully. I got up, made myself something warm to drink, had a great meeting with my Writing Accountability Group members, and joined Sister Circle Saturdays as a guest speaker. It was great! Until it wasn’t. Right after I sent a follow-up email to my clients, I froze. I was suddenly very tired and couldn’t bring myself to do one more thing. Not the laundry, not the blog post, not the phone call, not one more thing. I went upstairs and climbed back in bed at 1 p.m. I figured I was coming down from the adrenaline rush that sometimes happens after a presentation. “Girl, you just need a nap.”
But that wasn’t it. When I got up, I felt the same way, exhausted and frozen. How could I go from being high energy during a presentation to completely energy-depleted from one moment to the next? Sunday, I slept in and watched church online. (Yes, I should have woke up and got myself to church. But I just didn’t want to be around people). Later, I felt no better but threw myself into my work. I thought, “Girl, you can still get some stuff done.” But that simply compounded the problem. I could not seem to focus on any one thing for any length of time.
Early Monday morning, my son and I were in the car, waiting at the bus stop. We usually flip on the YouVersion app and listen to the daily devotion for the day. And, let me just say in my black girl vernacular, Chil’ that thing spoke to me, you hear me? Check it out for yourself! My prayer after listening to this video was, “Spirit, I surrender.”
Isaiah 40:28 reminds us that our God doesn’t sleep and never gets tired. But I do. I run and run and run until I collapse. The Spirit began to reveal to me that Saturday was not the beginning of my road to burnout, but the end. This had slowly begun to accumulate weeks ago, and now, here I was…frozen. It was time to obey Jesus’ command, “Come unto Me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). I memorized this one many years ago in the KJV, so you get what you get. Because I am the way that I am, I have decided to look at this verse not just as an invitation, but as a command. I have to be TOLD to rest! And then I have to OBEY.
Below, you will find a drawing I made way back in 2018.
For some reason, I was just painting and drawing every chance I got. Now that I think about it, I was my solace…I need to pick up the brush again! Every time I share this painting, someone asks me, “Is that a self-portrait?” I never looked at it as a self-portrait, but it is. I totally see it now. The Holy Spirit used my talent to reveal who I really am..to me…mindblowing.
In the eyes of this woman, there’s insecurity and anxiety, but yet, she’s cloaked in the following words:
Strong
Resilient
Blessed
Unbothered
Faith
Conqueror
Breastplate of Righteousness
Gospel of Peace
Armor of God
Prayer
Salvation
Dragon Slayer
Truth of the Spirit
Fearless
Love
With all of my fear, anxiety, stress, and burnout, there is God’s goodness, kindness, love, security, peace, and comfort. He supplies every need that I have, and so, I surrender to Him because He is my peace. I’ve allowed Him to pour back into me what I lost. Rest from the Savior is true restoration!
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True Restoration